Although I remember most of the events after I woke up, for years afterwards my parents would exclaim about how confused I was and how poor my short term memory was during my first few days in hospital. What was clear was that I was somehow different, the watch I was wearing when I was run over had been broken so I had a new one bought for me as a get well present, the problem was that after a couple of weeks it stopped working, thinking that the battery must have been faulty, I had another, that stopped too. Every watch I had after that time broke, this wasn’t the only thing I noticed, as the years rolled on I realised that I affected radio signals, mobile phone signals, CD’s would regularly skip where they hadn’t before. I also had an increasing urge to know why I was here; I could write a book on different experiences which kept drawing me back to that same question. “Why am I here?”
Although there have been many painful experiences in my life, many times where I have acted in a manner that had knowingly or unknowingly hurt people. Many occasions where I just wanted the earth to open up and take me down into its cold soiled depths. I have emerged knowing that each breath I have taken was perfect, each interaction meaningful, each choice purposeful. Every part of my life had played out exactly as it needed to, to lead me to the next experience, the next twist or turn, almost as if I was being guided. I had asked why I was here and I wanted to know what for, I wanted the void in my memory to hold some meaning, perhaps from which I could make some sort of sense out of the mire I felt I was in. This would reveal itself in ways that I could never have imagined.
At the end of 2011 I signed the dotted line on a contract for a job that I had wanted since I was 14. I had finally secured a position as a Police officer. This it seemed came with a rather drastic catch; I would have to do my initial 6 months training in London which meant living away from home. The other catch was that I would have to agree to take my first posting in the city of Nottingham which was over 70 miles away from where I lived. Without going into too many details, I was at the cusp of a rather nasty break down, I had on a number of occasions fallen asleep at the wheel of my car whilst driving home and as I was dying inside I was also playing my part in slowly ending my marriage. Suffice to say, the next few years would take me on a journey that would create the backdrop to my current story, it would be the night sky to the stars that now shine so brightly across it.